Breaking Cadence: Q&A with Rosa del Duca

The other day, I stopped by a book store called Revolution Books. Here, they sell books that advocate for revolution and a better society, addressing issues such as feminism, imperialism, and fascism. It's a small store ran by volunteers who are passionate about the cause.

On the 28th of August 2019, Revolution Books invited Rosa del Duca, now a writer, teacher, and musician, to share her new book "Breaking Cadence". This book talks about her journey in the war when she joined the Army National Guard when she was only seventeen years old. With the influence of a recruiter, she believed that enlisting in the National Guard will help cover her college tuition fees and have more independence. She only expected a six-year contract, where she worked only one weekend a month and two weeks a summer.

However, ever since 9/11, American involvement with the Middle East escalated, and Rosa became more torn between her morals as a former journalist, and her duty as a National Guard.

She read a chapter in her book called "Patriots", where she talked about her squad and how she bonded with them during her days as a National Guard. However, as Rosa began to see herself as a conscientious objector, she decided to voice out her opinions on the moral injustice of the war, despite the conflicting views of her squad. She knew it would brand her as a traitor.

"War is all grey." Rosa stated as she explained her views on the war. "But the military is a black-and-white organization."

I was able to interview her during the Q&A section of the event, and I believe her answers to my questions could bring some inspiration to anyone who may be reading this.

How was your journey in writing this memoir?

I kept writing and re-writing the story based on growing as a writer and growing as a person, because it took me so many years to process my feelings on what happened. I'm still conflicted, where sometimes, I think that I'm a bad person, but then I think "What's the greatest thing that I ever did?"

I still feel very torn about some parts of it, because I peaced out, and someone else did have to take my place. And most people are recruited as teens. But luckily, I got an MFA and that taught me how to be a good reader and a better writer in fiction. I didn't expect my first book to be non-fiction. Because of the topic, I didn't find an agent. I submitted this myself, so this was a challenge. I didn't have any power behind me.

Did you have any pushback from publishers?

A lot of people passed up on me. They would say, "Good job on the writing. We think that you're a talented writer, but we don't think this would be a good fit for us."

I never wrote anything like this before, so I didn't know how to sell it. And you never sold anything like this before, because this is the first book written by a modern conscientious objector, not something from World War II or Vietnam. And it's a lot different now, because when you join, it's a voluntary thing. You don't get drafted.

Do you have any comments on how to deal with people who have conflicting views with you?

I recently joined a group called "About Face: Veterans Against the War". When I got out of the military, I completely cut myself off, because I just assumed that they all hated me, they all thought that I was a traitor... I didn't know one other person in uniform who thought the way I did.

So I didn't go looking for events, but when I did, about a year ago (when I was about to sell my book), there were hundreds of thousands of veterans who were against the war. And a veteran in that group said that the first time he went to Afghanistan, it was like they respected the people and they were there to help, and they had this ethos about them, and he felt proud of what he did. And then a year later, he goes back, and someone else was in charge, and it felt like he was the terrorist. The respect for the other was wiped off, and they were not seen as civilians who needed to be protected. They were just suspects, and it just bred the most horrible behaviour, and he got out as soon as he could after that.

I didn't consider myself as a veteran for a very long time until this past year, because I hadn't gone to war. I wore the uniform, but I never gone to war. So I felt like I can't speak to any of those experiences, because I didn't do it.

You mentioned that until this day, you sometimes still have conflicts about the opinions of your squad. So right now, how do you deal with conflicts in yourself and finally accept and handle these conflicts of different opinions?

I think because I had so many conversations in my head, I got pretty good at defending myself from these imaginary conversations. You can call me whatever you want. You can say that I was a coward, you can say that I was naive... but I don't have blood in my hands. I don't have a guilty conscience about dropping bombs on somebody, or killing somebody, or pointing guns at children in house-to-house raids. And I don't have an army job as a fueler, where I would have been fueling the tanks, the airplanes that would be doing this stuff. At least I didn't hurt anybody in the war, because that was completely against conscience. Once it became clear how unjust the Iraq war was, I think it became easier and easier.

How do you address the guilt that drives the unjust acts on the other side? How do you address those who find it difficult to switch sides after lifelong loyalty to a position that has changed?

As a conscientious objector (CO), it's very lonely. Hardly anyone goes after this declaration. All the people in uniform who day after day just went along with it, they bring that guilt home. And there's a term called "moral injury". Their hearts are so damaged by what they did. That's why there's a suicide rate of 22 a day. That's why PTSD is so huge. I think they just bottle it up and live with it, even though the consequences of that are horrible. I don't know what it would take to win people over, because it's such a skinny category.

Did you ever fear for your safety?

It has been pretty scary in the past couple of years, especially because of things like Charlottesville. There's really violent people on the other side, and I would love to be more involved. Fascists even came here in this book store before to threaten you guys, so I was kind of nervous to bring my kids with me here. But that's how they win. They create fear and they feed off of it, and they know that it affects you, and those are their favourite victims.

Right now, is there anything you plan to do to contribute to this situation?

Now, I want to go into schools. There's a very small group of activists who are doing this. They're called "Truth in Recruitment". I learnt a lot about high schools and recruiters within the past six months because I got interested in this book called "Before Enlisting". It's these people who go to these schools and try to give students the full picture of military service and what it means, and some job alternatives.

I think I would love to do that too, because I was only seventeen when I was recruited. I was still so naive. I think it's predatory. I don't think that you're really an adult. Science says that you're not fully an adult until you're 25. Your brain is still developing. If you tell this to someone when they're seventeen, they would rip your head off. I was so stubborn at seventeen. I was very independent. That's why I think that the recruitment age should be raised. I'll be writing to Congress people.

Many people don't know this, but public schools are required to let recruiters in, or they will risk their federal funding. And this is a monthly thing for each branch. They require recruiters to come in their campus, and have to hand over the names of all of their seniors and their contact information.

I want to try and bring light to that, because it's so lop-sided, and kids only get that one-sided picture where they think getting recruited means that they can get more money, be more respected, and get away from their parents. Recruiters have a job to do. Their job is to enlist you, not to tell you the truth about your contract. It's really easy to get in, but hell to get out.

What would your advice be to teens who experience something similar?

Wait at least until you're a year on your own. If I had gone to college that first year, and found a real part-time job, I wouldn't feel like I had to go to the military to pay for college. In all honesty, the military from the get-go is a bad choice for me. I didn't like to be told what to do. I was a mercenary. I really wanted to pay for college and thought this would be a cool part-time job. But I didn't have any concept that there would be war. My advice is to talk to veterans, especially veterans who have any kind of combat experience, and wait until you're at least 19. Give yourself a year to grow more as a person and take some classes.

At the end of the event, Rosa performed an original song about her time in the military, which moved and inspired everyone, including myself. As someone not from the United States, this event has brought me so much insight on the political issues of the country, and how the military is much more complex than I first imagined. People in the military do get greatly affected by their experiences, and it has changed their lives so drastically. But it is their choice whether to make that experience into something that motivates them to create a brighter future for the next generation. And I believe Rosa is doing a great job in this aspect.

Finally, there was a powerful saying that struck a chord to everyone in the room, and that is:

The antidote for fear is community and gratitude.

That is something not only Rosa or everyone in the room can bring home with them, but you too.