We Need to Talk About Feminism (ft. Karen See)

Last month, I had the privilege of meeting Karen See, the leader of the #MeToo movement in Hong Kong. We talked about a lot of themes relevant to feminism, including the gender gap in Hong Kong's workplace (and how we can close it), and sexual harassment. There was a lot unpacked in less than an hour.

After talking with her, I started reflecting more on feminism and the meaning behind it. So I dug deeper on the movement, reading about its origins, how it's benefited society, and how it has grown today. And it truly has improved our lives. Feminism was, and still is, a movement for gender equality. It began with the objective of achieving women's suffrage, for women to be part of the workforce, etc. Overall, it is for them to have the same opportunities in the workforce (e.g. to have equal access to leadership opportunities). But apart from work, feminism also addresses other issues in society, including domestic and sexual abuse, victim blaming, etc.

But once I started looking at opinion pieces, I noticed how feminism actually seems to be quite controversial. In fact, the word feminism doesn't seem to sit right with a bunch of people, perhaps because it is often associated with "feminine". But it's not because they don't support gender equality. After all, almost everybody in society wants gender equality. But these days, it seems that feminism has been twisted and construed to many meanings that diverged away from what it meant originally.

These days, people tend to associate feminism with "female supremacy". And this contributed to how polarized the conversation of feminism has become. You can see it specifically in the two (loudest) sides. On the one hand, you see some identifying themselves as feminists, because they use it as an excuse to blame men on all the problems of society, and shifting to a matriarchal society would benefit everybody more. And on the other hand, you see those using this definition as an excuse to oppose what feminism really is (aka gender equality), and help them justify their nonchalance and ignorance of the problems that still exist in our society regarding gender inequality.

So yes, we need to talk about feminism. And spoiler alert, there might be some disagreements. But if you're here, I really appreciate it! And I hope that you will also reach out and let me know your thoughts. Whether you disagree or agree, we're here to have an open dialogue and gain more perspective, after all.

It is right to say that today, we do see a lot of progress towards gender equality, and for the most part, we have achieved equally footing in many areas, such as higher education, where more women are attaining these degrees, even at a higher rate than men. There is a lot to celebrate with the progress we have made. In fact, it should be celebrated, right? These are causes fighting for equality. So why has feminism become so controversial? Why do we sometimes hear people say that they're not feminists? Or that they don't want to be feminists?

We can look at how feminism has changed today, through third-wave feminism. It particularly focuses on issues, including violence against women, sexual liberation and reproductive rights. It focuses on abolishing gender roles and expanding feminism to be a more inclusive movement, for everyone who identifies as women, from various cultural backgrounds.

This is where the controversy starts. Abolishing gender roles refers to breaking down the patriarchy, so that both men and women don't feel pressurized to fit in this little box that defines what it is to be a "man" or a "woman". But this definition is exploited by some people to push a certain narrative. Sometimes, feminists may believe breaking down the patriarchy means to put men down, and create a more matriarchal society. So that women are above all. And men are not necessary in society.

This is what created flaws in various feminist movements, including the #MeToo movement. It's a movement that is crucial (regardless of its flaws) to creating a safer society, because it changes the way we approach cases of sexual harassment. Karen, one of the leaders of this movement, emphasized its importance in society, and how it changes the way we view sexual harassment. From our conversation, it's especially obvious how necessary this movement is in Hong Kong. In Hong Kong, we are not taught what consent is, and what our rights are. We don't know that harassment can be very subtle, it doesn't always have to be physical or verbal slurs. There are many issues with how sex education is created, because a lot of this education is provided by churches or informal means. So we never have a professional perspective for us to have more valuable insights. Even now, I feel as if I'm still discovering more about what my rights entail. For instance, what Karen said in our discussion really struck me. She said, "If you feel uncomfortable, that is already a form of harassment." This hit me more than ever, and it made me think about the many times I was harassed but would overthink if I was just misunderstanding, ultimately denying my discomfort and subconsciously victim blaming myself. That is why the #MeToo movement is so important. It avoids victim blaming and creates accountability. Ultimately, it makes men more aware of the precautions women have to take. And it has made a lot of positive change!

However, the main flaw of the #MeToo movement is how it excludes male victims. Men who are harassed are not taken seriously, and are rarely ever included in the conversation. They are taught to wave it off as a minor inconvenience, when in fact, any harassment by anyone, including women, should be unacceptable. This flaw has been used as a device to justify the stance of both sides (pro vs anti-MeToo). For some supporters, they believe that the #MeToo movement is purely a women empowerment movement, and as a result, "predatory women" and false accusations are completely brushed off. But for those who oppose the movement, some argue that it gives men a harder time to date in the workplace, because now, they have to be wary of how they approach women. Well, welcome to the club. Now we're all more careful of how we present ourselves.

Excluding men slows down the progress greatly when it comes to breaking down these barriers set by a patriarchal system, because the patriarchy does not only harm women, but it also harms men because of the gender role expectations set for everybody. Just like how feminism has strived to be more inclusive for all women, it should also try to be more inclusive for all men. Just like how feminism has advocated that a woman has the capability to take up traditionally more masculine roles or careers in male-dominated industries, it should also lift up men who make the choice to take up traditionally more feminine roles without being ridiculed. Because a lot of mainstream conversation has become "female vs male supremacy", some people hesitate to call themselves feminists. And within this non-feminist group, some of them are what fuels those who oppose feminism to continue justifying why the movement is not necessary and refuse to be part in taking action to break down the patriarchal system.

It's why a men's rights movement exists. Why do we need a men's rights movement when we already have feminism, a movement that is supposed to stand for gender equality? It's because nowadays, feminism is not addressing the problems that men face as well, such as being profiled in the criminal system, and having a much bigger disadvantage in custodial rights during divorce. Those who advocate for men's rights and those who advocate for feminism have now painted each other as opponents, and demonized them as a way to undermine the other gender. But really, these two movements are two sides of the same coin. They're both fighting for the same thing, but they are just addressing different issues through another angle. These two sides should work together as ALLIES rather than enemies. Besides, isn't one of the goals of feminism to break down patriarchal barriers? Validating everyone's experiences of gender inequality (both men and women) is important if we want to create valuable conversations.

But the reality is that they don't partner together, because of huge disagreements and the lack of willingness to understand one another. And unfortunately, feminists who take it too far and hate on men are the ones who are targeted the most by mainstream media. It acts as a way to push the agenda of the opposing side such that they can 'prove' that the feminist movement is not necessary anymore. But this just creates distraction from the actual goal, which slows down any progress from making impactful change. It is still important to talk about feminism around the world, while removing any sort of biases that we have surrounding how the movement is now, and always keeping in mind the original meaning behind it: to achieve gender equality and remove the barriers created by the patriarchy.

If we want to break the patriarchal system, it's not to create a matriarchal one. It's simply to create a system that emphasizes on gender parity, and to view each other as equals. It's about giving people the same opportunities. But it's not all positive, because if we want to talk about equality, it also means we lose some of our privileges. Just like how men are now being held more accountable when it comes to cases of sexual harassment, women should also be held more accountable in court (i.e. custody rights) and the criminal system (i.e. profiling). It's about abolishing toxic masculinity but also toxic femininity by breaking down systems that give more conveniences to one gender, and lifting everybody up by embracing people's differences and strengths as a result.

In an ideal world, we should all be feminists (and I do proudly identify myself as such). But currently, the world's perception towards this label has changed. If we truly want to be feminists and achieve equality, we have to start having these uncomfortable conversations. It's absolutely not easy, but we have to try to be more receptive to those who disagree with us so that changes can be made. Some changes, we may not like in the short term. But in the bigger scheme of things, these changes will be in our favour, as it achieves what everyone wants at the end of the day. To be treated and respected as equals.