19 Things I Have Learnt After 19 Years

So yesterday was my birthday, and I am now living the final year of my teenagehood... which is a bit sad (lol).

19 years is a long enough time to have learnt a lot of things in life. In 19 years, you probably have already met your best friend, your favourite teacher, your first crush, your role model... The point is you meet a lot of people, and there's too many to count. And no matter how close you are to that person, there is always something to take away from your interactions with them.

Sometimes we're just at a random point in life and we didn't know how we got there in the first place. So, I'm just writing this because I want to see how much growth I have made as a person, and pretty much visualize what has made me grow throughout the years.

1. Prioritize

I put this at the top of the list, 'cause priorities. Don't take up too much responsibilities than you can handle. This is a mistake I keep repeating. I get involved in so many activities that interest me, and in the end, I am unable to put more effort than I am willing to, and wear myself thin. Don't do too much things to the point that you have no more time for yourself. You need a breather, so cut down on your responsibilities so you have more time to do things that require less dedication.

2. Appreciate the small things

This is one of the pieces of advice that I keep telling myself and other people when we feel down in the dumps. And I'm glad to repeat this again. Always try to find the little things in life that make you feel grateful. It could be the weather, or someone opening the door for you... Anything really. Combining the small things together is what creates the bigger picture, and if you can appreciate the small things, then you're all set for genuinely being grateful for the bigger things ahead of you.

3. Talk to your parents

When I was younger, I mainly talked to my parents about stuff that all children talk about with their parents. Their school, friends, answering the typical "How was your day?". But I was too shy and uncomfortable to talk about more personal things, such as romantic relationships or mental health issues.

But one day, my cousin told me that I have to try talking about those kinds of topics with them, because it makes you closer. And she was so right. Nowadays, I'm comfortable talking with my parents about anything, no matter how small or big it may be. And they are willing to engage in that conversation as well. As a parent, I think they're more than willing to give advice. And they usually give good advice. Although, sometimes, there are occasions when I don't agree with their opinion (at all). But I still think it's worth discussing with them and having their perspective. It's honestly always been interesting and productive.

4. Your parents are human too

We tend to see our parents as what their roles are: parents. We usually think that they're wiser, and will always be in our beck and call 24/7. But we have to remember that they are they are human too. They have their own problems in life that don't revolve around us. They can get stressed if we act too obnoxious. They can get upset if we talk back. Most of the time, they just don't tell us that. That's why it's so easy for us to forget what our actions can do and take their unconditional love for granted.

So we rebel, we argue, we think that our parents don't understand us... Though I think that they are one of the people who understands us the most.

Just keep in mind that your parents most probably have a huge weight on their shoulders. And show them that you love them. They honestly wouldn't ask for anything from you, but I think that even saying the three, simple words every day already makes them feel like everything they have been doing up until now was worth it.

5. Cherish the people who matter

Apart from family, cherish the people who have helped you grow into the best version of yourself. Your friends are one of those people. Your true friends, the ones who have seen you at your worst and helped you get up on your feet, and become better than what you thought was your best.

It can even be the most unexpected people. When I went volunteering in Cambodia, I befriended a girl few years younger than me. She did not live in a very wealthy nor pleasant environment, yet she still went to school every day to achieve her dream of becoming a flight attendant. When I taught in her school, she kept pointing on different English words in a worksheet that I prepared and asked questions. Anyone could see that she was a bright student who loved to learn. That inspired me and made me realize how privileged we are to have a lot of educational resources, and we should make the most of them while we still can.

I still keep in touch with her on Facebook, and we video call each other occasionally. Always remember the people who have impacted you in life, and it's never a bad thing to reconnect and catch up with them. I'm sure they would love to as well.

6. It's better to be kind than right

A good friend of mine was the one who told me these words. And I definitely agree with it. I try to apply this with people that I may have disagreements with or who have not really got on my good side. Just like how I mentioned that our parents are human, the same should be said for everyone around us. Everyone is only human, and they have their bad days.

Unfortunately, those bad days may sometimes cause them to lash out on us. Even though you're probably right that that person was being rude and you should call them out on it, it's also the right thing to understand where they're coming from. Showing them that you're right will only make them feel angrier. But when you respond with kindness, empathy and understanding, well, there's not much to be angry at.

7. Time is a friend

We tend to think that time is never on our side. That 'time is running out'. I also often think so. But there are moments when time is a friend and heals you. When you experience sadness, you don't necessarily think that time is running out and we'll have no more time to be sad. Rather, we think that time will eventually heal us and it's our best companion during those times. So why can't it be applied to other parts of our life? Instead of rushing, why not take a walk and enjoy your surroundings? Instead of thinking that we have to achieve our goals ASAP, why not enjoy the journey? We'll be able to realize what we missed that way. And it makes us more prepared when life does not go the way we want it.

After turning 19, I didn't think to myself that "Oh, I'm getting old. I still have so much to do.". Rather, I thought that hey, there has been a lot of lessons that I must have gone through these 19 years. And I can use those lessons for the rest of the years to come, and continue learning as I go. Hence, the point of this post.

8. Don't wait

Don't sit around and wait for an opportunity to come to you. Don't expect someone to come at your every demand. You are in charge of what you want to make of your life. And you are the person who knows you the best. So find out what it is that you want to do and start doing it. Don't wait for a sign. The only sign you'll have is your own mind.

9. Eat, drink, exercise, read and sleep

What I'm trying to say is that don't forget the basic fundamentals that contribute to your health. Eat three meals a day (or two big ones), stay hydrated, do some exercises to stay healthy, read to de-stress... And of course, get enough rest! Nowadays, we tend to forget these simple steps of life because our mind focuses on other things that we find more important. But there is nothing more important than a healthy body, mind and spirit.

10. Clean from time to time

I always make my bed in the morning, and for some reason, it makes me feel more awake. When I'm stressed, cleaning becomes a sort of therapy for me. I think the saying is true: "a clear space is a clear mind".

11. Widen your social circle

Don't limit the people that you meet. Back in freshman year, I had the habit of sticking to friends that I have already been familiar with since high school. But that mindset made me less willing to meet new people and make new types of friends.

Now though, I started to get out of that familiar bubble and began a new social chapter. I decided to do certain things, such as joining a German class, that I would do on my own. And that opened up opportunities for me to create new, different social circles. At the same time, it taught me how to adapt to certain types of people. A wider variety of social circles teach you something about yourself that you didn't know, and also about the people around you.

12. Seek discomfort

Be open to experiences that you thought were impossible for you to do. It could be anything, from paragliding to skydiving. One of those for me was posting this blog for people to see, which honestly, I was so insecure about in the beginning. But here we are. Keep challenging yourself to achieve what you thought you couldn't, and through that, you could become more confident in yourself. Plus, you'll have more interesting stories to talk about.

13. Say thank you more

A bit similar to my second point in this post, but the difference is pretty much showing your appreciation. One reason that I wrote this down is because I usually feel guilty and sorry when I ask for a favour from friends, for example, rather than feel grateful. If you ask my friends, they would say that I say sorry more than I say thank you. It's a mindset that I'm still working on, but I do feel a difference when saying thank you instead of sorry. Not only does it make the recipient feel better about the situation, but it makes you more appreciative of them as well.

14. It is okay to cry

FIRST of all, I want to slap anyone who says crying is a weakness. It is not a weakness, and it is not bad to cry. I, myself, am very prone to crying. Was there a point where I felt like I was a weak person? Yes. And I thought that for a very long time. But I tried to look at myself from an outsider's perspective. I realized that as long as you don't make sadness a source of quitting, but instead, of motivation, then crying can certainly be a strength. It makes you more aware of your shortcomings and think actively on how to improve that.

In fact, it would be worse if you feel bad and all you do is bottle everything up. That does nothing in improving your mental health. Crying helps you release any negative feelings you have inside of you, so that you can feel more relieved afterwards. So cry as much as you want and for as long as you want. There is no deadline to set for your tears.

15. Be a solution person, not a problem person

This was something my boss from my previous summer internship taught me. Do not be the person adding on problems in a situation, but rather be the person who is actively seeking out solutions. This does not only apply in the workplace, but it applies with your interpersonal relationships as well. A problem usually starts with one of you, so would you want to be the person who piles up on it, or who flames it to the ground? Which of the two would remove yours and the other person's stress?

16. There's always someone better than you

This is not meant to be something discouraging at all. In fact, this should motivate you to be better in what you're good at. See it as healthy competition. I do this with my brother. I think that he is better than me, academically speaking. Obviously, there were times that I was a bit insecure, but did that stop me from improving myself? Absolutely not. It made me more motivated to improve, and it was easier considering that my standards were set clearly. This helps keep your ego in check, and at the same time, viewing someone as your competition could also motivate them to continue improving. It's a win-win situation.

17. Keep learning

Never think that you have no more room for improvement. That is the only room that has an infinite amount of space. So keep filling it in with new lessons, new skills, and new challenges. Keep pushing your boundaries and continue growing into the person you set yourself to be.

18. Speak your mind

I always viewed myself as someone who had no problem with confrontation. This is because I think that honesty is indeed the best policy. Communicate clearly with people around you, so you are able to clearly set expectations. And it helps the other person understand you better, as well as vice versa. So do not be afraid to speak your mind, but of course, always speak with respect for the other person, no matter if they are much younger or older than you.

19. Be consistent

Probably the best lesson I have learnt so far. Be consistent with who you are. This does not mean don't ever change yourself. Rather, it means change yourself in a way that is consistent with your values and aspirations of who you want to be as an individual. So if you aspire to be someone who is kind to others, always be kind to others. Don't be kind to your best friend one day, then lash out on them for no big reason the next. Being consistent may make you predictable, but that's so much better because that means you're attracting the right group of people around you. The group that feels safe and comfortable around you, and vice versa.