Accept, Forgive and Move Forward

I have a habit of thinking that I am always the person who is in the wrong. If I get blamed, I will believe it is my fault. Even if someone else gets blamed, if I was involved, I will believe it is still my fault.

Here's my own personal story. I studied in France for five months when I was twelve and lived with a host family during that time. I had a falling out with my host mother, and we had a lot of disagreements, causing tension between us two. When it comes to arguments between two people, there are always two sides to the story. Both sides have some fault, though are not necessarily equal. But I believed that everything that had happened between us two was entirely my fault. My mistake. And only I shouldered the blame. I kept beating myself up thinking what I could have done better, what could I have done to change things with her and prevent the situation. I wanted to believe that I had control.

That’s probably why we blame ourselves. Because we want to believe the situation could have been changed by us. But in reality, this is not always the case. Sometimes, disagreements, arguments and falling-outs are inevitable. Or sometimes, it is purely just circumstances that cause unpleasant experiences. These two things are out of our control to change. We cannot change other people, and we cannot change our circumstances. And I think we blame ourselves to believe that we could have control. When we just can’t.

We may never truly believe that it is not our fault. Sometimes, we are hard wired to believe that the fault in our lives are because of us. This may not be true, but to people like us, it is. It is so true that the guilt can be overwhelming. The obsessive thinking can go on and on.

So if that’s the case, we can only accept what had happened and learn. We can only find a lesson to be learnt and use that to improve ourselves in the future. Blaming ourselves will not do anything, but finding what we can do to improve will make a great change. Truthfully, the only people we could make the greatest change to is ourselves.

If we can do this, then the only thing else to do for ourselves is to forgive. Forgive the circumstances, forgive the other person at fault. And most importantly, forgive ourselves. That is the only thing we can do if we want to move forward and become better people. Only we are the ones in charge of making a mark for ourselves. And if we can take care of ourselves, if we can love ourselves, then truly, we can become capable of making a positive change, and attract people and circumstances that are full of love, acceptance and forgiveness as well.

There is only forward. So we have to let go of the past and what is not in our control anymore. Let go, accept, learn, and grow.