Anxiety and Extroversion

In honor of World Mental Health Day, I want to talk a little more about my personal experiences. And through that, I hope I will be able to help someone who has gone through similar things understand more about themselves, or help peers understand one another better too.

Society tends to view people who are outgoing, sociable and extroverted as “well-functioning”. That is what is treated as the norm, and what is viewed to be mentally healthy. It meant that you had high EQ and good management of your emotions.

I would say that I am an extrovert myself. I love interacting with people and feel re-energized most of the time when I talk with them. Anxiety was always thought to be a mental health issue towards introverted and more quiet people, so I never saw it as an issue until I was 14.

It was not until I had constant panic attacks did I start questioning whether I had anxiety or not. Sometimes I can go on with my day normally until it just hits me so suddenly. It scared me, because sometimes I had no reason to feel that way.

Eventually, I find out what my main trigger for these thoughts are. It usually happens after social situations.

This was something I did not believe at first, because I saw myself as a very extroverted person. To a lot of people, extroverts seem to talk so effortlessly with others in social situations. But overthinking can be a quality than anybody, no matter if they are introverted and extroverted, can have.

Let’s make up a scenario. You meet person A at a party. You introduce yourself and instantly get along with him. Things seem to go well. Person A becomes quite comfortable with you, so you make a joke, some about him. He looks shocked or maybe borderline offended, but you both eventually laugh it off.

You both split ways. You think back to that conversation you had with person A at the party. Because you drown yourself in your own thoughts, you begin to warp the conversation in a negative direction.

You remember that joke you made that may have offended him, and now you ask yourself a lot of questions, and even criticize yourself.

“You did not make a good first impression."

“What if you made him feel bad?"

“Why would you say such a thing?”

You spiral into a whirl of negativity and self-doubt. You feel bad about initiating a conversation with person A. You start to think that you were rude and insensitive. You begin to believe it.

And you panic. What if your friends thought this way? What if everybody thought this way? What if you are actually someone who you don’t think you are?

It’s just a vicious cycle of anxious thoughts. And it keeps cycling and cycling until you just break down and panic.

To others, it may seem silly. But, in the past, I did feel this way. And at one point in my life, it made me withdraw from any sort of social situation, even with people I enjoy hanging out with.

You’re never really aware of whether you have anxiety or not because it is so overlooked if you are viewed as someone who is good in dealing with social situations. You believe what everyone tells you, but you begin to question their opinion once it takes a heavy toll on your mental state. That's why I didn't acknowledge this for quite a long time until I finally opened up to a few close friends of mine (who I will always be grateful for).

Anxiety can affect anyone. Anxious introverts would remove themselves from social situations. Anxious extroverts, on the other hand, do not usually do so. They like interacting with people. But that doesn’t mean they don’t overthink nor get stressed about the situation. They are used to putting up a mask of confidence and self-assurance when surrounded by people.

But I would say, now, I have learnt to take better care of myself. And here's three small things that helped me:

1. Write down your thoughts on paper. It helped solidify my problems, and understand what exactly I was overthinking about. And then after writing every negative thought I have, I then argue against those points, and also think about what I could do better when interacting with others.

2. Talk with close friends. I opened up much more to my best friends, and honestly, true friends will listen to all the drama that goes on in your head. I dreaded talking with them because another thing I always overthought about was how it would be a bother or burden to them. But the good thing about these types of friends is that no matter how repetitive your thoughts could be, or how mean your mind can be to yourself, your friends won't get tired of helping you believe in yourself too.

3. Distract yourself. And I mean this in a healthy way. This can include exercising, reading, writing, cleaning. It helps stimulate your brain to focus on other thoughts and also keeps you productive. Don't distract yourself with any bad or addictive habits, because that does not confront your problems, it only avoids it.

The point I'm trying to make is that everyone can go through some mental struggle, and it's important to treat everyone with care and respect. Don't assume that one person is more 'put-together' than the other, and don't assume outgoing people don't understand what mental battles on social situations are like. Because there's always someone who goes through similar issues, and if we all can be open with another and know that we're not alone, then things won't seem as scary as it looks.