To Stand or Signify

"To Stand or Signify" was a little activity that we played today at the Golden Bear Orientation. All of us transfer and exchange students went to the Haas Pavilion, where we seated at the huge basketball stadium. During this activity, there were several statements that were shown on the big screen one by one. If we identify or agree with these statements, we had to stand or signify.

Everyone in the stadium had to stay silent in order to prevent any influence of each other's answers. Every time a statement was shown on the screen and after everyone who agrees with the statement stands up, the emcee will always say:

"Notice you're standing, notice others' standing, notice your feelings."

Then everyone sits down again until the next statement.

At first I expected it to be a rather straightforward game, but it turned out to be much more reflective than I thought. Let me give you an example of a statement that was shown on the screen:

"One or both of my parents are born outside of the US."

I expected only a few people to have stood up for this statement, but surprisingly, more than half of the stadium stood up from all sides. It was shocking to see that there were many mixed races within the audience.

Here's another statement:

"I am a first-generation college student".

A friend of mine stood up for this statement, and she told me that she thought it was normal to be so. But only very few people stood up for this statement (though had the cheers and applause of encouragement from the entire stadium), which genuinely surprised her.

This activity turned out to be more intense than I expected and stimulated a lot of discussion between my peers regarding identity. How do we identify ourselves in terms of race? Ethnicity? Gender? Sexuality? Spirituality?

Personally, to me, the question regarding my ethnicity has always been in my mind. That was why it was so invigorating to talk about it with my peers during orientation, as they were able to relate to me.

I have always identified myself of Hong Kong nationality, but also of Filipino ethnicity. Yet, in all honesty, I can't seem to strongly associate myself with either. I did not seem to connect with the Hong Kong locals at a level that they could connect with each other. Sometimes, it was the language barrier, but other times, it was just the local culture itself. At the same time, I could not seem to connect with Filipinos in the same way as well.

I always put as much effort as I could to belong in both groups, but there are times I feel out of place, or have had others made me feel so.

There were different occasions where Hong Kong locals did not view me as one of them. I once wanted to hang out with a couple of local friends at night, but I heard one of them say: "Great. Now we have to speak English."

Something like that could already be very discouraging. There are also situations where local shopkeepers would swear at me while I purchased an item while wearing a smile as if they did not just say something vulgar.

With Filipinos, the situation tends to be less obvious, but some could be very direct. I had a Filipina approach me at the workplace where she asked me "So you're Filipino, but you can't even speak Tagalog fluently. Are you even Filipino then?"

So to be honest, it's hard for me to strongly associate myself with either of these cultural identities. There were times I felt upset because of the lack of sense of belonging. But despite that, I have to be grateful for feeling lost, because these two identities are one of the core causes that shaped me into the person I am now today.

I may not have a strong sense of belonging in one specific group, but I have eventually found my sense of belonging through learning about other cultures and meeting people from different walks of life. Having a diverse social circle means that all of you are learning something new about people, and you are stretching yourself in becoming more open-minded and understanding of the world. And I was able to further reinforce this reason by meeting new people in my orientation group, where we had people from everywhere, including the UK, France, and Spain. Even the local students were able to relate, since a whole bunch of them were mixed race and also contemplated about their ethnic identity at some point or another.

Eventually, I was able to craft an identity unique for myself through the experiences I have had and the lessons I have learnt with others throughout the past several years of my life. And I think that's the type of identity that will be difficult to be stripped away from you.